Maruti disassociates itself from Kejriwal's Wagon R

Published on Faking News on 19th Feb 2014

In a major blow to AAP and Arvind Kejriwal, Ex Chief Minister of Delhi, Maruti Suzuki India Limited today issued a statement dissociating itself from the famous Wagon R owned by him.
“The car Mr. Kejriwal has been using does not represent the values that our biggest seller & famous model Wagon R stands for. Wagon R is our prestigious model and it has embodied the values of a being a work horse, loyal & trustworthy. It is known for adhering to the brand promise and giving value for money.”  Spokesman of MSIL announced during a presser in Gurgaon.
The Z-category security would be provided to Kejriwal both in Delhi and Uttar Pradesh.
The Z-category security would be provided to Kejriwal both in Delhi and Uttar Pradesh.
“Our sources reveal that the said car has been modified using not only non compatible but also used, refurbished and defective components sourced from the junk yards. We shudder to think of the car’s behaviour & performance when it uses a car’s chassis, two wheeler’s steering, tractor’s gear box, bicycle’s braking system, brooms in place of wipers & TV camera spot light instead of headlights. We recently heard that there was a plan to fit a non working engine from Airbus A320, put on sale by a failed airline, but got aborted. Instead it now uses a failed engine which was called back by a century old but now bankrupt manufacturer a few years back!” The spokesman added.
“Importantly, we built the Wagon R with a turning radius of 4.6 meters whereas the said car has been modified to take U-turn without even using a centimetre of space on the sides. Probably the modification permits the car to interchange the location of engine and boot by some mechanical contrivance and move the car in reverse direction without turning. What shocked us is that though we built a reverse gear for moving the car backwards, but the said car has a propensity of avoiding the correct way of doing things.
We are proud of the fact that the prestigious owners of Wagon R are known for their reliability, commitment, sincerity, assurance & obligation. We have not come across a Wagon R owner who shirked work due to his flimsy reasons, ran away from responsibilities, violated the rule of law at slightest pretext or tried to escape with a spectacle of show & pomp where hard work was required. None of our prestigious customers who bought Wagon R tried to hit other cars on the road to curb their movement & only focused on their own path towards the desired destination. We are talking about an individual whose integrity does not allow him to claim it as common man’s car in public but try to show it off as Mercedes when concluding deals with the affluent patrons.
We request Mr. Kejriwal to desist from using the name Wagon R for the said contraption. He can rename it ‘Jugaad’ instead which is normally used for such garage assembled transport equipment.”
When questioned on whether MSIL is considering legal action on this issue, the spokesman expressed MSIL’s predicament, “We are not sure whether the car is under any jurisdiction now. It may claim to be above any Indian law, civil or criminal. We have asked our legal department to look at the issue and based on their advice, we would decide further course of action.”
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