‘Kejri Durbar’, the new innovative initiative of Aam Aadmi Party
Published on Faking News in Jan 14
In a surprise announcement, Aam Aadmi Party today declared unveiling of it’s new wing ‘Kejri Durbar’ run by ‘Kejri Baba’. This was announced at a simple, austere press conference held at a leading seven star hotel (name withheld) in Delhi.
A typical ‘Kejri Durbar’.
This durbar should not be compared with Nirmal Durbar, run by Nirmal Baba, the spokesman announced as it would be secular & offer solutions never thought of before.
Explaining the rationale, the spokesman stated, “You are aware that we are trying to propagate a unique & different style of politics. In our recent membership drive we were getting all ‘different’ kind of people coming to us. These included some loan defaulters, some convicts, people fired from their jobs, over the hill artistes & professionals, some who have been wrongly accused of corruption, society rejects or even those who could not complete education but became MLAs etc. Most come to us to find solutions to their problems. A job, a career, a professional boost, a loan waiver, a clean chit or simply an important position in life without having to work for it, is what they are looking for. As a political party we were not able to accommodate them as the media, always focused on us critically, raises questions on what we stand for.”
You are also aware of our leader’s attempts to be everything to everyone, absorb everydisgruntled dissatisfied element and adopt every ideology, national or anti national international, alike from friends & enemies, capitalist or communist socialist people friendly. This was difficult to achieve within the accepted parameters of political ecosystem and hence the innovative & alternative route of ‘Kejri Durbar’ was conceptualized.
In this initiative, we would establish a ‘Kejri Durbar’ in each parliamentary constituency city of India where ‘Kejri Baba’ would sit and give solutions to people having problems.
Coming to solutions, many of us have laughed at the solutions offered at Nirmal Durbar. Only job that can be found by eating a Samosa with green chutney is that of cleaning the plates at corner Halwai. On the other hand, our solutions are more concrete, tailored & customized to the individual problems. We will give the public it wants.
Every visitor to ‘Kejri Durbar’ would get a free scratch card and an AAP topi. Using the scratch card, one can win lot of freebies which include Aam Aadmi cars like Pajeros & Mercedes, 5 BHK bunglows, I-phones, Parliamentary & assembly tickets to chosen constituencies, unlimited television coverage including aided, coached & pre-scripted interviews, Delhi University degrees, finishing school vouchers apart from free power & water supply.
We will also provide, on the spot, properly certified & notarized, certificates confirming that the bearer is an Aam Aadmi, is completely honest & is cleared of all charges, however serious they may have been, even as serious as sedition.
Hypothetically speaking, we have the solutions, ability and the connections to make national leaders out of illiterate nincompoops.
Few lucky ones can even get a personally signed certificate from our supremo Sh. Arvind Kejriwal. You must have heard him saying, “I asked Prashant Bhushan and he denied having said so.” We are pleasantly shocked by the innovativeness of statement but at the same time surprised that in the long history of law, none of the defence lawyers have ever used such pure & powerful defence.
The reporters wanted to know as to how would AAP manage so many ‘Kejri Durbars’ with only one Kejriwal who also happens to be Chief Minister of Delhi, the spokesman responded, “ You see, we are famous for conceptualizing & nurturing innovative ideas. In this case too, our supremo Sh. Kejriwal has thought of a novel method. We would have AAP volunteers wearing ‘Kejri Baba’ masks.”
“We are sure that this idea too would be copied by some national party & they would begin using their leader’s masks. But as I said earlier, we are here to teach politics to the national parties”
Responding to another question on whether these Durbar’s would be telecast live on television, the spokesman stated the question is irrelevant and said, “We don’t need television to spread our message. Let me clarify that there are at least three news channels, BBC, CNN & Al-Jazeera, which would not be telecasting the Durbars.”
To another question on communal leanings of these durbars, the spokesman clarified that the issue has been taken care of by painting everything green. The mask, clothes, furniture, caps, floors, ceiling etc., everything would be green. You would not find a communal colour anywhere near the ‘Kejri Durbar, he claimed.
“Our Durbars are completely & irrevocably secular” He concluded.
